The Untypical Parent Podcast with Liz: a conversation about Charlie, grief & the story behind Blue Bear & Co.
When there are no words: Why Comfort Matters in Grief
There are some things in life that simply cannot be fixed.
There are no words that can make them better. No gesture that can take the pain away.
But that doesn’t mean there is nothing we can do.
Sometimes, comfort matters.
I was recently invited to join Liz from The Untypical Parent Podcast to share a very personal part of my story: losing my son Charlie to a brain tumour, learning to live alongside grief and how those experiences eventually led me to create Blue Bear & Co.
It was an emotional conversation, but an important one.
Because although Blue Bear & Co. is a business built around teddy bears, it has never really been just about the bears.
The teddy bear that was there through everything
Charlie was given a little light blue teddy bear by his Nannie Dot when he was a baby.
That bear became his constant companion.
It was there at bedtime and on family days out. It went into hospital with him, stayed beside him through surgery, treatment and remained a familiar source of comfort when so much around him was frightening and unfamiliar.
When Charlie was diagnosed with a brain tumour at just two years old, our lives changed completely.
Hospitals, treatments, uncertainty and fear became part of our family’s world.
And amongst all of that was this little blue bear.
It couldn’t make Charlie better.
It couldn’t change what was happening.
But it was familiar.
It was safe.
It belonged to him.
And sometimes, when everything else feels beyond our control, having something familiar to hold onto matters more than we realise.
Why comfort can be so powerful
As a therapist, I understand the theory behind emotional regulation, attachment and sensory comfort.
But as Charlie’s mum, I experienced their importance in an entirely different way.
During periods of fear, anxiety, separation, illness or grief, familiar sensory experiences can help us feel connected to the people and places that make us feel safe.
A familiar smell.
The sound of someone’s voice.
A heartbeat.
Something soft to hold.
These things don’t remove difficult feelings and nor should they.
Instead, they can provide a small sense of safety and connection while we experience them.
That understanding became part of the foundations of Blue Bear & Co.
More than just a teddy bear
When I created Blue Bear & Co., I wanted to create something that recognised just how powerful a teddy bear can become during life’s biggest moments.
Our bears are designed to offer comfort, connection and a way to hold onto special memories.
The Brown Bear, for example, brings together a number of sensory elements including a heartbeat, space for a recorded voice message, a scented heart and a keepsake pouch.
Each element is there for a reason.
Because sometimes it isn’t advice that someone needs.
Sometimes they need to hear a familiar voice.
Sometimes they need something that smells like home.
Sometimes they simply need something to hold.
More than just a teddy bear.
A companion through hospital stays, separation, anxiety, bereavement and many of the other moments when life suddenly feels very big.
A bear for life.
Learning to live alongside grief
During the podcast, Liz and I also spoke openly about grief.
One of the things I’ve learned since Charlie died is that grief isn’t something we simply “get over”.
Five years later, I don’t believe my grief has disappeared or that I’ve somehow moved on from Charlie.
I’ve learned to build a life alongside it.
There can be laughter alongside sadness.
New memories alongside old ones.
Joy alongside missing someone desperately.
For anyone supporting a grieving child or family, there can be an understandable urge to find the right words or somehow make things better.
Often, there aren’t any words capable of doing that.
Presence can matter more than answers.
Remembering and saying their person’s name matters.
Listening matters.
And sometimes simply offering comfort matters.
Turning something incredibly painful into something that helps another family
One part of Liz’s post after our conversation particularly stayed with me.
She explained that she had chosen to sponsor a Blue Bear for a family she would probably never meet, not because she would receive anything in return, but simply because she cared and wanted to do something for another family facing an unimaginable time.
And that is exactly what our Sponsor a Bear initiative is about.
Individuals and businesses can fund a Blue Bear, which can then be gifted through hospices, hospitals and bereavement organisations to a child or family who needs it.
These bears might support a child facing the loss of someone they love, a sibling navigating serious illness within their family, or a family trying to hold onto precious connections at the end of someone’s life.
It doesn’t change what that family is facing.
But perhaps, in one of life’s hardest moments, it can give them something tangible to hold onto.
And sometimes, that is enough.
Charlie’s legacy
Blue Bear & Co. will always have Charlie woven through it.
His little blue bear taught our family something I don’t think I fully understood before: comfort doesn’t have to fix something to matter.
That idea has stayed with me.
It is there in every bear we design.
Every family we support.
Every hospice we work alongside.
And every person or business who chooses to sponsor a bear for someone they may never meet.
What began with Charlie and his much loved blue bear is now helping us provide comfort and connection to other families experiencing some of life’s biggest moments.
I think Charlie would be incredibly proud of that.
Listen to the conversation
You can hear my full conversation with Liz on The Untypical Parent Podcast, where we talk more about Charlie, our family’s experience of childhood brain cancer and grief, how I learned to live alongside that grief and why I went on to create Blue Bear & Co.
Please be aware that the episode discusses childhood cancer and the death of a child.
Want to help another family?
Through Sponsor a Bear, individuals and businesses can fund a Brown Bear to be gifted to a family through one of the hospices, hospitals or bereavement services we support.
You may never meet the family who receives your bear.
But during a time when there may be very little anyone can say or do, your gift could give them something tangible to hold onto.
Because we can’t always make things better. But we can offer comfort.
Blue Bear & Co.
Bears for Life.
Nici x
Founder of Blue Bear & Co.
Co Founder of Thumbs Up for Charlie